Alcohol Hall of Fame: drunk Jesus’s first miracle was turning money into beer

This guy is the last of the famous international playboys . . .

 

Don’t believe me? Watch this . . .

 

 

Want to be like him?

Want to channel the jet setting, womanizing, hard drinking, playboy (or playgirl) inside yourself?

Then let the Bocce Organization of Beer Swillers teach you how to party like a bocce player.

You can walk into any bar and immediately own the place. You can get all your drinks for free. You can have men idolize you and women fall in love with you.

Its true.

You just have to know what drinks to order.

That’s why BOOBS is starting the Alcohol Hall of Fame. Each drink here has been scientifically proven to induce crazy drunken fun. Drink one of each of these on the night before Thanksgiving and you’ll have the best night of your life.

The first drink inducted into the Turbo Bocce Alcohol Hall of Fame is . . .

.

The Birthday Cake – Not only is this the most enigmatic shot ever created, its also the most devious. A Birthday Cake must be ordered correctly as well as drank correctly. Its simply a shot of Jameson or Telemore Dew (or in a pinch any type of scotch). But the brilliance of a Birthday Cake is not in the shot itself but in the ordering of the shot. Here’s how its done.

Person 1: Do you want a shot?

Person 2: No, shots taste bad.

Person 1: But this shot tastes exactly like birthday cake. You like birthday cake don’t you? Everybody likes birthday cake.

Person 2: Oh yea I’ve heard of a shot like that before. Ok I’ll try it.

Person 1: Covertly walks up to the bar and orders two shots of Jameson.

Person 2: Drinks the shot

Person 2: Yuck! That shot tastes nothing like birthday cake.

Person 1: You must have drank it wrong, it tasted perfectly fine to me.

The Birthday Cake shot has gained so much fame that there are at least 5 bars in Syracuse in which you can order a Birthday Cake and get a Jameson back in return because the bar tender is in on it. Sherri, the bartender from Blarney Stone, even invented the Chocolate Birthday cake which is half Jameson and half Frangelico. It actually tastes pretty good and is less of a shock for those who cant handle their liquor as well.

 

The second drink inducted is . . .

.The Black Tooth Grin – This shot is one-third Jack Daniels, one-third Jagermeister, and one third Tequila. I’m not going to lie, it’s a little potent. But it did single-handedly allow two particular bocce champions to drink for free for an entire summer. You see there was once a bartender at Suds who loved this shot but had nobody to drink it with. Naturally the BOOBS members were willing to step up to this challenge and help this poor man in his hour of need. All shots of Black Tooth Grin immediately became on the house, and soon all drinks of any variety were on the house. Thus begun a summer of debauchery you cant possibly imagine. I like to think that those months (and the billions of brain cells they killed) are in no small way responsible for the bocce league as it stands now. I can also tell you (although I cant quite remember) that Black Tooth Grins by the pint are extra fun.

 

The third drink inducted is . . .

.The Zola Bomb – This is a drink named after Gianfranco Zola the ex Italian and Chelsea soccer star. It was actually invented by two bocce league players on the day of Zola’s retirement. The Zola Bomb is half Crown Royal, and half Amaretto. Its quite tasty for those of you not daring enough to try the other shots on this list. Little known fact: there was also a professional wrestling move called the Zola Bomb that dominated the wrestling world for a short time about a decade ago. If I remember correctly the Zola Bomb was similar to the pile driver.

 

The fourth drink inducted is . . .

.The Robert Faber – This drink is half gin and half kahlua. Named after its creator (who refuses to actually drink it himself because he’s a vegan), Rob was trying to think of the most disgusting shot imaginable . . . the only problem was that the shot is surprisingly good. The bocce members who first drank this shot only did so because they were wasted, but soon became hooked.

 

The fifth drink inducted is . . .

.The Flaming Blackball – This shot has two things going for it. One, its named after the greatest bocce movie ever made. Two, its on fire. This shot is one part amaretto, one part southern comfort, and one part 151 rum. Light and drink. And if you want to know how to correctly drink a flaming shot, consult below . . .

 

 

The sixth drink inducted is . . .

.PBR – That’s right, Pabst Blue Ribbon won the Blue Ribbon for best tasting American Beer in 1893 and one short century later its gaining its second accolade by being named to the Alcohol Hall of Fame for its tireless contribution to all bocce league matches.

 

The seventh drink inducted is . . .

.The Supersonic – What is a supersonic? Its an extra cool Gin and tonic. I personally recommend drinking 15 of them in a half hour at Blarney Stone while listening to this song play on the juke box over and over again . . .

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen your first ever class of inductees into the Alcohol Hall of Fame! Hopefully these drinks will be enough to get you through the night tonight (If not don’t be afraid to start back at the beginning of the list). I can tell you from experience, that these drinks will shock and delight friends, strangers and even bartenders. Show them off, look like a rock star.

As an added bonus, here’s a list of the best drinking songs to play in those bars with the digital juke boxes where you can search for whatever song you want.

Oasis – Supersonic (of course).

If you happen to be drinking Miller High Life I recommend playing Champaign Super Nova and singing along . . . “Some day you will find me caught beneath the landslide of a Champaign of Beers Supernova in the sky . . . where you while we were drinking High Life.”

Morrissey – Last of the Famous International Play Boys (of course).

Marvin Sease – Candy Licker. If you don’t know about Marvin Sease, for god sakes message us in the forum so we can teach you . . . and check out our Marvin Sease Fan Zone link on the front page.

Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline. Show me a drunk who doesn’t love to shout “Ba Ba Ba!” during Sweet Caroline and I’ll show you somebody who’s lying about being drunk.

James – Laid. This is just a good drunk song, nothing fancy just good and drunk . . . and a little dirtier than its seems which is an extra added bonus.