An innocent (kind of) New Year

Hello bocce world!  Paul here.  I’m going to have Rob – one of our prospective bocce members – write an account of everything that happens to him at our New Year’s Eve party then put it up on the website.  It should be fun.  Expect updates every half hour or so.

7:00 – Just getting here and (as you know) Paul already has me doing work!  Pretty calm right now.  Surprisingly classy actually (except for the PBR cans everywhere).  Lots of food, wine cheese, the works.  Lets see how this shapes up.

7:30 – People walking in every few minutes (some of them asking me what I’m doing on the computer) most of them I’ve never met.  Some nice looking girls though!

8:00 – I’ve got to watch out.  There’s too much good food here and if I get too full I wont be able to drink.

8:30 – Have you ever heard of Grandma’s Pussy?  Its not what you think, it’s liquor.  Strong, but good tasting.  About 10 of us started chugging it right from the bottle and we had the whole bottle finished in about 2 minutes!  Yea, I’m pretty drunk already!  Now they are saying I need to try this drink called birthday cake, we’ll see how that goes.

9:00 – This place is packed!  Hot girls everywhere!  I didn’t notice when I first got here but there are two full coolers in every room.  Beer, wine, liquor – the works.  Forget the food; just let it go to waste!

9:11 – Ok, I know it hasn’t been a half hour yet, but I just did my first body shot.  I didn’t like birthday cake at first, but when you drink it off a girl with no top!!!  Yea I am starting to see the appeal. Oh, and that Marvin Sease speaks the truth.  Sing it Marvin!  I want all Marvin Sease all night.  Nothing but candy licking for me.  He’s a true hero!

9:45 – So I’m chatting up this cute blonde when a couple guys interrupt me to play “the dice game.”  Its some kind of drinking game, but I’m drunk enough already.  Wish they hadn’t interrupted me.

10:05 – Dice are dangerous!!!! Simple but crazzzzzzy!  Definitely feeling this game.

10:11 – Drinking funner than shoulder. 5 DOLLARS1  two boobs and nother,

11:45 – I don’t remember anything that happened in the last 2 hours.  Guess I passed out because somebody came and woke me up.  They said there were people walking around waking up all the passed out people in time for New Years.  I swear I had a different shirt on though?

1:42 – God bless Turbo Bocce!  I rang in the New Year by kissing 2 girls at the same time!  Did I fuck them both?  A gentleman never tells . . . so you know I didn’t.  If I had I would have definitely told everybody.  I did bang one of the girls though, and she’s a freak!  Oh yea, don’t tell Whipple I used his bed!

2:15 – Just noticing that its past 2am and nobody has left yet.  Bocce parties go all night!

2:21 – Oh no!  The party is still going strong . . . too strong maybe because two cops just showed up at the front door.   The Hammer got 3 mad hot girls to answer the door and told them what to say, doubt this ends well.  God I’m drunk!

2:30 – The cops came in and started drinking with us!  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Guess having some hotties answer the door worked.

2:45 – Cops playing the dice game?????  No way this ends well.

3:20 –  Yo, those two cops got mad drunk!  Whipple and The Hammer actually kicked them out, and they just left!!!  That has to be the first time that ever happened.

3:50 – People are starting to leave now . . . more people just passing out on the floor where they fall.  I don’t see that girl I had sex with anywhere.  Shouldn’t have played the dice game a second time because I can’t remember her name anymore.

4:30 – Had a midnight  . . . or way after midnight snack of meatballs, pasta, and shrimp.  Nothing tasted better in my life.  I am D –O – N – E.  Happy New Year’s all.

Next Morning – Hello everybody, this is Paul.  Just reading this over and its hilarious.  Rob loves the exclamation point!!!!  Read the 10:11 entry again.  Not sure what that drunk was saying, ha ha.  And it was only 10pm!  This was great because it reminded me of a few things that happened last night that I forgot, but I’m noticing there is a lot that Rob forgot . . . or was unaware of.  I have no idea how “the pickle incident” didn’t make it on this account, it was the highlight of the night for me.  In any case I’m not going to change it.  Better to keep it in its original state for integrity purposes.  Plus that will keep some people anonymous that should probably stay anonymous.