How to pass the time in your dull dull life

Play bocce under the stars . . . indoors. That’s the motto of B.O.O.B.S. brand spanking new indoor bocce court. The most famous indoor bocce court in the world.

Once you know what it’s like to bask in the glow of over three thousand perfectly placed lights, to emerge victorious on bocce’s most glamorous stage, to throw a sweet inswinger, to trust the bias (in short, to play indoor bocce) everything else will suck by comparison.

After bocce, when you’re back in your comfortable bed with two beautiful women fellating you (the usual way to end the day for bocce’s elite players) all you’ll be thinking about is how much you wish you were playing indoor bocce right now . … Read More »

JULY 19, 2005… A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY

WARNING: Due to the graphic nature of this article, which will depict of a level of bocce so abhorrently bad that merely reading about it constitutes a health risk, children under the age of 16, pregnant women, and people with heart defects would be well advised to turn back now, and avoid reading any further.

11-0

Joining the pantheon of great rivalries such as Tyson vs. McNeely, Reagan vs. Mondale, Germany vs. Poland, Hammer vs. Nail, Tsunami vs. Southeast Asia, and Hot Knife vs. Butter, comes Beer United vs. Cunnilingus City.

11-0

In what can only be described as a debacle of all-time proportions, heavy favorite Cunnilingus City, coming off a convincing 3-0 drubbing of Eggs on a Fork and brimming with confidence took … Read More »

MICHAEL JACKSON: King of Pop or King of Poop?

Here Ye, Here Ye. Let all who are present ready thyself and steel thy spirit for this, the first assemblage of the B.O.O.B.S. court of civil opinion. On the docket today sits the fate of one Michael Joseph Jackson as our panel of accomplished Master Debaters will determine conclusively and without question whether Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson is the esteemed King of Pop or the lowly King of Poop.

All rise for the moderator of our court, the honorable Head Chairman.

Head Chairman:
Please be seated. I now call forth to the stand our first Master Debater, Mr. Eighties McHotpants, who will be arguing in favor of Mr. Jackson. Mr. McHotpants you may make your opening remarks now.

Eighties McHotpants:
Thank … Read More »

Free Horoscopes

I read an article saying that “Horoscopes” is AOL’s most searched for word (and I need a way to expel some of the gay-energy I’ve been feeling lately) so I’m taping into the mystic and other-worldly powers that every bocce player possesses in order to create the first B.O.O.B.S. horoscope.

What? Don’t tell me you weren’t aware of the fact that bocce players have mystic and other-worldly powers! Well they do. Surprisingly, the skills needed to throw a perfect inswinger without over-ticking the target are almost exactly the same as the skills needed to communicate with the dead. So shut up and read the rest of the article or I’ll have Val Kilmer put a curse … Read More »