General Turbo Bocce Blog

Old World Criminals, New World Citizens

In 1717, the British Parliament passed the Transportation Act, which made the punishment of transportation to the New World the preferred method of punishment for felons. Criminals transported from Great Britain and Scotland were forced to sacrifice all they knew, only to be dumped onto strange shores under the thumb of the highest bidder. Although the novel Moll Flanders, by Daniel Defoe, takes place before the passage of this act, it still contains an example of this punishment in practice. Defoe posits, primarily through the character of Moll’s mother, that transportation is actually a useful and good thing, and that the people sent to America are inevitably better off than they were when they left. The … Read More »

Karate Jones

by Phil Martino, Jim McCarthy, and Pabst Blue Ribbon

Karate Jones was a bad mother fucker. He was super bad and he hated school. School hated him. It was a school of the future, and Karate Jones was a student in the future school. Karate Jones hated school so much he quit. And then he became a stone cold player. Karate Jones got sick of being a player, so traveled back in time.

A time that was dark and gritty and prehistoric. It was ruled by giant lizards, but there was one lizard who was king. His name, Charlie Bobo aka The Man. The Man kept all the other lizards down. The Man … Read More »

The Bocce Bible

Book I: Genesis

 

1:1: In the beginning God created golf (and he did a lousy job of it because its boring and expensive and played by old fat men in goofy clothes).

Heathens roamed the lands and seas (spending most of their time burning effigies and making idols while basically having a horrible time of life).

One of these heathens is Tom (who isn’t thinking about burning effigies or making idols at the moment because he’s in the middle of having a mental breakdown). Today is the worst day of his life.

The economy is dreadfully bad (so bad that money hasn’t even been invented yet) and all over the world bosses are firing employees. Tom is one of the employees. … Read More »

Alcohol Hall of Fame: drunk Jesus’s first miracle was turning money into beer

This guy is the last of the famous international playboys . . .

 

Don’t believe me? Watch this . . .

 

 

Want to be like him?

Want to channel the jet setting, womanizing, hard drinking, playboy (or playgirl) inside yourself?

Then let the Bocce Organization of Beer Swillers teach you how to party like a bocce player.

You can walk into any bar and immediately own the place. You can get all your drinks for free. You can have men idolize you and women fall in love with you.

Its true.

You just have to know what drinks to order.

That’s why BOOBS is starting the Alcohol Hall of Fame. Each drink here has been scientifically proven to induce crazy drunken fun. … Read More »