General Turbo Bocce Blog

How to pass the time in your dull dull life

Play bocce under the stars . . . indoors. That’s the motto of B.O.O.B.S. brand spanking new indoor bocce court. The most famous indoor bocce court in the world.

Once you know what it’s like to bask in the glow of over three thousand perfectly placed lights, to emerge victorious on bocce’s most glamorous stage, to throw a sweet inswinger, to trust the bias (in short, to play indoor bocce) everything else will suck by comparison.

After bocce, when you’re back in your comfortable bed with two beautiful women fellating you (the usual way to end the day for bocce’s elite players) all you’ll be thinking about is how much you wish you were playing indoor bocce right now . … Read More »

The Art of Slather

There is a word in the English language that is underused. It crops up from time to time to be used as a cheap comedy word then dropped like eggshells in the garbage disposal. I’m sure y’all reading now figured it out by the title – SLATHER.

Slather is one of the most powerful yet underused words in the English language. Many people that like to use powerful words usually resort to cursing, such as popular use of the word “fuck” and its various voices and moods. However, I feel that constant usage of power words waters down the actual phrase and in the process includes so much extra “noise” that the original sound … Read More »

The Dialogues of 7th Grade Boys

Boy 1: Hey there’s this girl in our class that I like, but don’t know what to say to her.

Boy 2: Hmm, I know! Tell her you have wet dreams about her.

1: You’re stupid.

2: Listen, if you tell her that and she doesn’t understand it, she obviously doesn’t know about sex.

1: Ok.

2: Now if she does get it, she not only knows about sex but also is clearly fertile because girls start puberty before guys. That means you two can have sex!

1: Brilliant! I’ll do it tomorrow.


2: Ok man, do it! She’s just doing homework now, it’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time!

1: Shut up crotchmoss.


1: Hey Shelly, need any help with homework?

S: I’m ok mostly…It’s … Read More »

The Ultimate Warrior as transcribed by Sanguine French

snort, heavy breathing