Joey Musso Speaks

Yo, so I was walkin’ down Salina Street da otha day after a bought myself a choice new gold chain and I sees one a my bocce boys comin’ ‘round da corner, lookin’ all depressed or something, who knows with these bambinos, ya know? I figure he’s just upset at his little lady for beatin’ him at the last B.O.O.B.S open, so I says to him, “Hey, look at dis guy, thinks he knows bocce,” tryin’ ta rag on him, ya know? He jus’ walks up to me all slow and hunched ova like someone jus’ stole his favorite corkscrew or somethin’, and he says, “Yo Joey, my goomah jus’ trew me out da house.”

Now I jus’ … Read More »

An Epidemic

If there’s one thing I’m asked most often by other backyard bocce bowlers, it’s, “Hammer, why are you always so goddamn drunk.” The typical response to this is, of course, “Dude, you wouldn’t even understand.” The average person can’t really understand just what it means to be a true bocce and beer connoisseur, but we here at B.O.O.B.S. do our best not to alienate these people, our terrible beer breath and the wretched stench coming from our mud-stained shirts and semen encrusted pants does that on its own. But that’s not what I came here to write about today.

There’s an epidemic sweeping through the bocce world, a terrible epidemic almost as bad as SARS, monkey pox, and … Read More »

Bocce Nirvana

Two vampires walk into a pub and sit down at the bar.
“I’ll have a bloody mary,” Vampire #1 asked of the bartender.
“Make that two?” assumed the bartender to the second Vampire whom was frequenting his bar.
“Not tonight, chappy,” answered Vampire #2, “I’ll have a cup of hot water.”
“You got it,” said the bartender.
The first vampire was perplexed at such an odd request made by his friend.
“You’re embarrassing me, man. C’mon order a real drink, we need to get some pie tonight.”
“Nope, I have an idea.”
Both drinks arrived and while drinking his bloody mary, the first vampire remained just as perplexed.
“Watch this,” said the second vampire.
The vampire then took a used tampon out of his pocket, and to the wonder … Read More »

June 06, 2005

Good day, to the fellow bocce players. I-a come before all of you, as a fellow fan of-a the B.O.O.B.S. and servant. I, the Pope have been told many of you have-a some questions and are-a seeking the guidance. Thees fact it does not surprise the Pope, as I know you are all chronic, how you say, boozehounds. I-a welcome this opportunity to engage my-a fans, and I-a the Pope look to receive more of-a your letters. And now to-a the letters. God bless all of you.