MICHAEL JACKSON: King of Pop or King of Poop?

Here Ye, Here Ye. Let all who are present ready thyself and steel thy spirit for this, the first assemblage of the B.O.O.B.S. court of civil opinion. On the docket today sits the fate of one Michael Joseph Jackson as our panel of accomplished Master Debaters will determine conclusively and without question whether Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson is the esteemed King of Pop or the lowly King of Poop.

All rise for the moderator of our court, the honorable Head Chairman.

Head Chairman:
Please be seated. I now call forth to the stand our first Master Debater, Mr. Eighties McHotpants, who will be arguing in favor of Mr. Jackson. Mr. McHotpants you may make your opening remarks now.

Eighties McHotpants:
Thank … Read More »

July 8, 2005

Hello to all the bocce players. I hear the-a weather it clear up real nice for you this week. You know the Pope he doesn’t like to-a do the brag, but when his friend Phil tell the Pope the weather problem, the Pope you know he make a few calls on the phone, bada-bing you gots sun. He also ask me to make him a good bocce player, what he think the-a Pope work miracles?

Dear Pope,

Your Eminence,

There has been a very troubling trend between my friends and myself. We seem to want to refer to every tasty shot as “birthday cake.” Normally this would not pose a problem, but to this … Read More »

Free Horoscopes

I read an article saying that “Horoscopes” is AOL’s most searched for word (and I need a way to expel some of the gay-energy I’ve been feeling lately) so I’m taping into the mystic and other-worldly powers that every bocce player possesses in order to create the first B.O.O.B.S. horoscope.

What? Don’t tell me you weren’t aware of the fact that bocce players have mystic and other-worldly powers! Well they do. Surprisingly, the skills needed to throw a perfect inswinger without over-ticking the target are almost exactly the same as the skills needed to communicate with the dead. So shut up and read the rest of the article or I’ll have Val Kilmer put a curse … Read More »

I Am Woman, Hear Me Not Play Bocce

A topic of controversy amongst some B.O.O.B.S. observers (namely female ones), is their anger towards their absence from B.O.O.B.S. Their anger, although appearing more than once a month, is much like all things concerning women, of no concern to any self-respecting man. These women, or “bitches” as they are correctly called, manifest their lack of confidence in themselves into hatred towards the perfect and infallible entity known as B.O.O.B.S. It is at this opportunity that I would like to inform the reader, that in the words of Todd Shaw, “All bitches ain’t women.” What then is a woman and what is it about their nature that makes them dislike B.O.O.B.S. so much? Webster’s defines a … Read More »