Pre-Season Predictions
With the season beginning tomorrow, two of B.O.O.B.S. official commentators do their damned jobs and comment on their predicted team standings.
Phil Martino’s predictions:
- Phil Martino & Sean Radigan
- Paul Colabufo & Jim Whipple
- George Christou & Erik Quilty
- Mr. Colabufo & Rob Duffy
- Chris Sturick & Mike Szitar
- Tie: Anson & Evan, Mike Vinette & Sean Conway
- Beer United – Jim McCarthy & John Fritz
This is the team I am on, how could I not pick myself? I may not even have a teammate, but still, with my two balls I can defeat anyone. Unless it is night bocce, and then I suck.
A team as suspicious as this has the potential to be good. Paulie was a little too giddy when he exclaimed how he and Whipple can now “practice” together (a little too giddy if you know what I mean). Anyways, the only thing these Tipp Hill Tippers will be tipping is their hats to me, Phil Martino, 2005 Peroni Cup champion.
The league will be bracing themselves to see where these behemoths of the bocce end up. This prediction may be a bit too high, but then again I have learned to never doubt the stupid dumb drunken luck these two have. Also Mr. Colabufo hates Erik because of how good Erik (who is Irish) is at bocce. I know this because Erik told me.
Mr. Colabufo (who has a real first name, but refuses to release it) is the most experienced and arguably the most talented member of B.O.O.B.S. His talent is only surpassed by his hatred for his son and Erik Quilty. Interestingly enough Mr. Colabufo has been paired with B.O.O.B.S.’s undoubtedly most unstable member Duffy. The team would have been placed higher, but who knows with Duffy.
Who knows with these two, neither have ever met, and once this first season ends will wonder why they ever did. Seriously, could it be any more possible to put two individuals as unlikable as these two together? Answer to come later.
Two wild-card teams that are new and relatively unknown to the B.O.O.B.S. scene. Both teams will probably end up near the bottom as the years of practice, hard work, prayers, and vitamin taking necessary to become a member of bocce’s elite are foreign to these teams. Due to both teams’ lack of experience, these teams will be expected to make up for it in both beer drinking and inventing new ways to say “Beer United sucks.”
To anyone looking for the answer to the question posed above, you have found it, or should I say its punch line. Have you seen these two? Here’s an idea: ask the Hammer to run, it’s physical comedy at it finest. The best apart about it is that is how he really runs. Seriously. Couple this with the rare occasion when his teammate Johnny forms a complete sentence being a cause for celebration, and you have a B.O.O.B.S. juggernaut. I am being factitious. Do me a favor next time you see these two, (Hammer can normally be found with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and Johnny with a penis out of his) and tell them they suck. A lot.
Jim McCarthy’s predictions:
- Beer United: Jim McCarthy & John Fritz
- Paully Colabufo & Jim Whipple
- Mr. Colabufo & Rob Duffy:
- George Christou & Erik Quilty
- Chris Sturick & Mike Szitar
- Mike Vinette & Sean Conway
- Anson & Evan Busbey
- Phil Martino & Sean Radigan
Clearly, when it comes to the game of bocce, no team can hold a candle to this one. Whether it’s table bocce in the winter leagues or night bocce in the backyard, this is the team to watch for. It also happens to be my team, so take that how you will.
This team is, in a bunch of words, a shoe-in for second place. Out of all the teams in the league that aren’t Beer United, this one is the one to watch out for. From Paul’s actual bocce experience in the Great Bocce-Off of 1995, to Jim’s stunning ability to do disgustingly well at anything he does, this group will be the one to show us that second place is still the first loser.
This is a wild card of a team, taking the best of bocce’s Italian roots and the best of Irish misogynistic drunkenness and putting it together in a nicely frosted cake of bocce goodness. Although there’s still the open question of whether or not Mister will be able to tolerate an Irish team mate, it goes well without saying that he’d rather it be Duffy than Erik Quilty, whom he seems poised to crush at every turn .
If there is a line drawn between skill in bocce and drunken bocce luck, these two are somewhere near it, glancing at the drunken side and wondering if maybe it’d be a little nicer over there. From the typical Greek drive to excel at nothing and look good doing it, to the Irish in-born ability to do anything while drunk, this team will try to show us just what depths you have to sink to before giving up and just going home.
Mike “Sid” Szitar and Chris “Chris” Sturick have never met each other in reality, and if things work out how they tend to with these two, may never meet each other even while playing on the same team. This raises the question of whether or not two prima donnas can actually man a successful team, but we’ll soon see just how much teamwork is actually required to win a bocce match.
Although these two have known each other for years, the question of whether or not either of them is any good at bocce has yet to be seen. While Vinette may have a stellar spin while rolling the ball due to his missing pinky, it too is unclear as to whether or not he’ll have an advantage there.
No offense intended to these guys for rating them, but I just don’t know either of them well enough to make an unbiased decision. I’m not going to rank them lower than the next team because I don’t hate them, at least, not any more than I hate the rest of the league. Out of any team in B.O.O.B.S, this is the one with the most to prove.
Any team with a member so incompetent at night bocce as Phil clearly doesn’t stand a chance at the real thing. Honestly, they’re only here to pad the schedule so we can have eight teams, and the only other option was to let women in (you know how Duffy can be). I just feel bad for Sean, because he’s stuck with Phil, of all people, for his partner in this inaugural season of B.O.O.B.S.
