August 8, 2005

Dear Pope,

Dear Benedict XIV,

I have been under the impression that God loves bocce players. However, I
have begun to feel that God either does not exist or has no special place in
his heart for bocce. If God likes bocce, why aren’t bocce sets comparable
in price to heathen white trash games such as horseshoes? Even at walmart, where nothing cost more than $30, a bocce set is $50 plus shipping.

I know that many people wish you to spend time on other matters. However I believe this issue is of utmost importance. It has been said that a smile can heal a sickness and a wink can cure cancer… If this is true than one can surely not comprehend the power of bocce. What can be more important than spreading bocce to the people of the world? Can you take some time to talk to God about why he makes it so expensive to start bocce? Where is His love? What about the children? How can He abandon us to drift in our
diseased deprivation?

Your most faithful servant,

Noballs Nopce

Noballs Nopce,

Before the Pope he answer your question, he must assure to you and to all of everybody that God always have very very special place in his heart for the Bocce. It is God’s favorite sport, he play the game all of the time. Next time it is raining where you are, you keep up your ears, when you hear the thunder, that sound it is God striking the pallino. He very good player , God and the Holy Spirit win the past 4 league titles. They call their team “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”, and there is nothing bad ever when those two crazies get together with the bocce.

I very very sorry for the big prices of the bocce sets you are looking for, but this Pope think you looking in the wrong place. Wal Mart not very good, they discriminate against the bocce for years. The Pope feel that Wal Mart it is a store for the Protestant, Bocce you see is a sport for the Catholic. The Wal Mart price protestant games like the horseshoes and the grass darts very very cheap, Catholic bocce very very big.prices. Wal Mart is not the place for bocce, the Pope sometime like to say, “Beware of rising Catholic prices.”

The Pope, he like to buy his bocce equipment from the Dick’s Clothing and Sporting Goods. At Dick’s, “They love sports as much as we do.” The Pope do some research for you and he find you a nice set from Franklin for $59.99. These franklins they give the Pope’s church very much money for their land and make good bocce balls. I also pull some strings for everybody, I am the Pope, if you click on the link to the left, the Pope will get you 10% off anything you like to buy, but only for the fellow fans of the bocce.

I now must go, thank you so much Noballs for your wonderful letter, I will pray for all of you.

Humbly Yours,

Pope Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger Benedict XVI

P.S. The Pope he must say sorry for revisiting to the Wal Mart but I must say the prices you tell me Wal Mart charge they continue to leave the Pope very emotional. You see just recently Wal Mart has taken away one of the Pope’s favorite places. While in seminary you know us students we no have much money, but we like to go out, how you say, on the cheap. The place that made this possible for your Pope was a place called Pagina Di Sport. This place so cheap the Pope buy a Old Milwaukee, for 2168.62 Lira. So cheap the Pope buy a sandwich for 2013.72 Lira. Now it is no more.

What was this…

It mutates into this…

This it is not progress it is the opposite of what progress is. It is very bad, the Pope has never found a place to be as good as the old Pagina di Sport. The Pope is so upset, he will never do his shopping there any more. The Pope can not go to Target it is very motch too yuppie for this blue collar Pope, but instead I faithfully will visit K Mart when I am on the search for great bargains and blue slurpees.

It is these reasons, in remembrance of the Pagina di Sport, that I ask all of the B.O.O.B.S. members and and all of the fans to no longer partake in any shopping at the Wal Mart.

I trust you will all abide by the Pope’s decree.