Great Moments in B.O.O.B.S. History XLIX: Soccer Riot at Toronto Oasis Show

All real men have felt the excruciating pain in their bladders of having to expel mass quantities of beer after a concert while standing online behind 86 other dudes who are doing the peep-pee dance ahead of you…unless of course you decided to relieve yourself during the concert on the unknowing concert-goer in the row ahead of you. Hint: Says Phil Martino, skilled troubadour of public urination…”Just wait for a really good song…no one will ever guess that you’d piss in the crowd during ‘Champagne Supernova’…hell they might even think it’s some kind of stunt and that the oozing liquid is in fact real champagne running down the aisles!!” Ergo, we can all relate to the relief once you’ve made it into the bathroom, waited for what seems an eternity through the torture of watching others piss, and in a fashion that seems to be taking entirely too much time for the sheer volume of four alarm, emergency pissing that is going on. Who could expect that the relief after subsequent urination could be so sweet. As the drunken duo of Sturick and Martino emerged from the john they came across what seemed to be a friendly dispute involving about ten blokes over something that seemed to be a flag and a bunch of extremely gay gesturing. Upon further investigation it was found that 2 Manchester United fans were in a bitter dispute with about 6 Manchester City fans who were desperately protecting their flag and appearing not wanting to fight. As Sturick and Martino quickly summed up the odds, determining whose side they should join, they quickly jumped on the Citeh bandwagon, that despite their larger numbers, did not seem like the side who wanted to carry the fight. As these 2 BOOBS hooligans (which they were later actually called by the Man U. tossers) became immersed in a situation they really new nothing about…they resorted to the age old riot teqhnique of firmly raising a fist in anger and pointing a finger directly at their opponents and in very manly thrusting jestures with their outstretched fingers began taunting the “Red”. Desperately defending the Man City Blue…(Don’t spit on the colors!!) Martino and Sturick decided to take the fight to the “Red” and started scaling the 300 level terrace as the remaining Man City blokes fell in line and pulled up the rear of the charge. As they stormed the Man U. ranks of 2 drunken tossers…Martino and Sturick took the lead from their new Man City friends and tore into a scathing rendition of “Who the Fuck is Man United”. Upon which the main Man U. hooligan, who was also accused of fantasizing about gay sex with Beckham, counterattacked but was quickly seized by the best police that those socialist Canadians could scare up. The two warring camps were separated, and Man City clearly, clearly gaining the upper hand paraded out of the concert venue proudly displaying the “Colours”. Sturick and Martino, seeing that their work here had been done, and feeling that justice was served, departed accepting no great accolades, and began to search for the Hammer who was lost somewhere in the parking lot near the “water”.