I Am Woman, Hear Me Not Play Bocce

A topic of controversy amongst some B.O.O.B.S. observers (namely female ones), is their anger towards their absence from B.O.O.B.S. Their anger, although appearing more than once a month, is much like all things concerning women, of no concern to any self-respecting man. These women, or “bitches” as they are correctly called, manifest their lack of confidence in themselves into hatred towards the perfect and infallible entity known as B.O.O.B.S. It is at this opportunity that I would like to inform the reader, that in the words of Todd Shaw, “All bitches ain’t women.” What then is a woman and what is it about their nature that makes them dislike B.O.O.B.S. so much? Webster’s defines a woman in following manner:

Woman (wom-an) n.

1. An adult female human
2. Women considered as a group; womankind: “Woman feels the invidious distinctions of sex exactly as the black man does those of color” (Elizabeth Cady Stanton).
3. A human who does housework
4. Any current and future members of Beer United.

syn. Bitch, ho,, Hammer, skank, slut, cumbucket, John Fritz Jr., spunk receptacle.
ant. Phil Martino

A fairly detailed definition, but is it one that sheds light on “woman’s” juvenile dislike for B.O.O.B.S? Yup, through reading the second definition one can see that women view themselves as black men. Yes, the same black men who have suffered through years of injustice, slavery, and discrimination. What’d you say? Women have also suffered through these things? Women have been forced to stay in the home? The glass ceiling? I’m sorry, you must be an uniformed bitch to have opinions as ignorant as these. There never was a glass ceiling for the black man, he never got above the fucking floor because of all the flogging and whipping. What the woman doesn’t understand is how great woman has it. While man is out dying in battle to protect woman, woman is safe at home cooking. Besides who wants woman (inc. members of Beer United) next to them in battle, let alone a B.O.O.B.S. match? While man is out working to pay bills and take care of woman, woman has the opportunity to watch General Hospital while sticking a vibrator up her twat and eating bon-bons with woman’s other hand. Strangely enough some women turn this life down. I know if I had the chance to sit around the house all day masturbating while eating Cheetos and watching trash on TV I would definitely, oh wait that is what I do, so see I am true man of the ‘90s, trying to live like the woman by doing what they do all day.

The women take this aforementioned background and become frightened that they will be replaced by B.O.O.B.S., or worse yet for them, that man will actually enjoy himself without their nagging presence. This opinion of the woman is only due to her own stupidity, however. You see there are many positions open for attractive morally corrupt women in B.O.O.B.S., as I am sure everyone has seen we have a Babe of the Week section, which will be up shortly with many fine babes.

“What’s that honey, you don’t feel comfortable in front of a camera? You are, however, willing to do “anything” to be part of B.O.O.B.S. Well you know I just finished my match and my balls are quite dirty, they could use a long scrub. Oh you looove scrubbing balls? Well then welcome to B.O.O.B.S. bitch, get scrubbing.”

If you have been offended by any part of this at all, or feel yourself to not be up to the “high” standards of a B.O.O.B.S man, I must apologize in advance, but I am quite sure there are many all-female softball leagues which will more than welcome people of your ilk. To those that are open to the excitement of B.O.O.B.S. please send pictures, measurements, and your sexual history detailing as many lesbian encounters as possible, including every detail is a must, I can not stress this enough, to me.