2005 Preseason Predictions

With the season beginning tomorrow, two of B.O.O.B.S. official commentators do their damned jobs and comment on their predicted team standings.

The Next Ferdie Pacheco? Barry Bonds retires from MLB, joins B.O.O.B.S.

Is Ferdie Pacheco’s legend in danger?

Barry Bonds shocked the sporting world today as he announced his retirement from Major League Baseball (MLB). This announcement came as a result of his season long injury woes, and grew even more shocking as Bonds’ proceeded to announce what his future plans will be, now that he has left baseball.

“Today, Barry Bonds is retiring from the game of baseball. There, do you see what you have done, you did it. This is my family we are talking about, my family. Yeah I married a white woman, and you call me a racist? I’m Barry Bonds. Get that thing out of my face,” a relatively easy going Bonds … Read More »

Joey Musso Speaks

Yo, so I was walkin’ down Salina Street da otha day after a bought myself a choice new gold chain and I sees one a my bocce boys comin’ ‘round da corner, lookin’ all depressed or something, who knows with these bambinos, ya know? I figure he’s just upset at his little lady for beatin’ him at the last B.O.O.B.S open, so I says to him, “Hey, look at dis guy, thinks he knows bocce,” tryin’ ta rag on him, ya know? He jus’ walks up to me all slow and hunched ova like someone jus’ stole his favorite corkscrew or somethin’, and he says, “Yo Joey, my goomah jus’ trew me out da house.”

Now I jus’ … Read More »

An Epidemic

If there’s one thing I’m asked most often by other backyard bocce bowlers, it’s, “Hammer, why are you always so goddamn drunk.” The typical response to this is, of course, “Dude, you wouldn’t even understand.” The average person can’t really understand just what it means to be a true bocce and beer connoisseur, but we here at B.O.O.B.S. do our best not to alienate these people, our terrible beer breath and the wretched stench coming from our mud-stained shirts and semen encrusted pants does that on its own. But that’s not what I came here to write about today.

There’s an epidemic sweeping through the bocce world, a terrible epidemic almost as bad as SARS, monkey pox, and … Read More »