The Dialogues of 7th Grade Boys

Boy 1: Hey there’s this girl in our class that I like, but don’t know what to say to her.

Boy 2: Hmm, I know! Tell her you have wet dreams about her.

1: You’re stupid.

2: Listen, if you tell her that and she doesn’t understand it, she obviously doesn’t know about sex.

1: Ok.

2: Now if she does get it, she not only knows about sex but also is clearly fertile because girls start puberty before guys. That means you two can have sex!

1: Brilliant! I’ll do it tomorrow.


2: Ok man, do it! She’s just doing homework now, it’s time, it’s time, it’s Vader time!

1: Shut up crotchmoss.


1: Hey Shelly, need any help with homework?

S: I’m ok mostly…It’s just time consuming and I need every spare second to get it done cause the class this is for is first period.

1: Oh.

2: Pussy! Get back there! What class do you have with her?

1: Science after lunch.

2: hmm, you can ask her during lunch.

1: No way, what walk up to her table? Yeah.

2: Pussy!

1: You do it, and if she likes you turn her down.

2: She won’t like me, I’m like a 100 pounds overweight.

1: Haha, yeah. Well, I’ll ask that quiet guy over there that carries his ninja turtles in his backpack to do it, I’ll tell him Shelly likes him. This way, when she’ll obviously say no to him, I’ll jump in and rescue her!

2: That’ll be awesome! Do it!

1: Hey Brad, you know Shelly? She likes you.

B: What?

1: Shelly sitting over there? You know how I can tell? You can see how she positioned herself so you can sneak a peek at her boobs through the gap in her blouse. She did that for you!

B: Leave me alone.

1: Come on, don’t you like girls?

B: Yeah

1: Well she likes you!

B: Ok.

1: Right, so you’ll have to be a man and accept her love. This means going up to her during lunch and telling her you have wet dreams about her.

B: What? No, I’m not doing that!

1: Don’t you want her love?

B: I’m not doing it! Leave me alone!

Teacher: What’s the problem? Keep it down!

1: Sorry.

1: That didn’t work.

2: I can see that. Suck it up and ask her at lunch.

1: No! I’ll do it when I’m good and ready!

2: All right you pansy.


1: Hey Shelly, how was lunch?

S: …Good…

1: Great! I wanted to make sure it was, well, balanced.

S: Ah, well, I had fries and milk.

1: The cornerstone of healthy eating!

S: …

1: …

S: All right, see ya.

S: Why are you following me?

1: I’m going to science now, why are YOU following me?

S: I’m in front.

1: THAT’s how cunning you are!

S: All right…

1: Hey I’ve got something to say…

S: ???

1: I… I have…

S: Yeah?

1: I have problems in this class; can you help me?

S: I don’t know, ask me later.

[Next day]

2: So what’d she say?

1: She LOVED it! She can’t wait to have sex with me!

2: Awesome! You’re so in the bag!

1: Oh yeah!

2: So when are you gonna do it?

1: When? More like where! She gets so horny seeing me that she THROWS herself at me!

2: Damn! I shoulda asked her!

1: Ask that fat girl that’s several lockers down from you.

2: Shut up.


2: Hey Brad, come here, I need your help with something.

B: What is it?

2: He told Shelly she gave him wet dreams and now she can’t stay off of him!

B: Oh, good for him.

2: See how they’re doing homework together? That coulda been you!

B: eh

B: I need to get a book from my locker.

Mystery girl: My stupid locker won’t open!

B: What’s the matter?

MG: It’s jammed.

B: Let me try…there you go, you need to lift as you pull cause the hinge is loose.

MG: Thanks.

B: …

MG:…I’m Marie.

B: I’m Brad, hhhi

M: Hhhi.

B: See ya!

S: And that’s how you calculate density.

1: Cool, thanks. Hey do you have any weird dreams?

S: What? Not really, no.

1: Oh, I was just wondering, cause I had one last night.

S: That’s great. I need to finish the rest of this work now.

1: Well, you were shopping at the mall with your mom, and somehow I was the janitor there, but it was cool cause I could fly.

S: …uh huh…

1: …and when I work up, well, this dream, itwaswet.