The Next Ferdie Pacheco? Barry Bonds retires from MLB, joins B.O.O.B.S.

Is Ferdie Pacheco’s legend in danger?

Barry Bonds shocked the sporting world today as he announced his retirement from Major League Baseball (MLB). This announcement came as a result of his season long injury woes, and grew even more shocking as Bonds’ proceeded to announce what his future plans will be, now that he has left baseball.

“Today, Barry Bonds is retiring from the game of baseball. There, do you see what you have done, you did it. This is my family we are talking about, my family. Yeah I married a white woman, and you call me a racist? I’m Barry Bonds. Get that thing out of my face,” a relatively easy going Bonds said in an early morning press conference.

After fielding a few questions as to how such a high pitched voice could possibly come out of such a massively oversized steroid filled head, Bonds addressed his after-baseball plans.

“Obviously I understand how painful of a day this must be for baseball fans, the game of baseball, and western society itself. To help alleviate some of this pain I can, , assure everyone out there that this is not the last they will hear from Barry Bonds. The competitive nature in Barry Bonds, is a nature that is always rising. As a result, I have been in contact with the B.O.O.B.S. Board of Governors and am expected to be accepted into the league shortly,” said Bonds.

This news, while shocking to many, came as no surprise to Dr. Dirk T. Sanchez of the Global Organization for the Negation of Alcohol and Drugs (GONAD). Dr. Sanchez citing the fact that at least six members of boobs can be found blind drunk at any and all times, sees Bonds to be a great fit.

“Mr. Bonds has shown an inclination to being a hardcore illicit drug abuser. This bocce league, B.O.O.B.S., was founded in the name of hardcore drug abuse, namely alcohol. The two are a perfect fit.” Sanchez said.

A relaxed Bonds at his press conference today.

All calls to the B.O.O.B.S home office, were left unreturned. However, league member Duffy was made available for comment.

“Barry who? Look I don’t care, can’t you tell by what people write about me that I only have one opinion on everything. I hate chicks. Man, do I hate chicks. F— ’em,” a shocking cerebral Duffy said today.

Bonds’ announcement comes on the eve of opening night of the inaugural B.O.O.B.S. season, a season that if the pre-season happenings hold up, will be marked by awesome displays of drunkenness.