The Turbo Bocce Top 100 Songs of the Decade: Top 10

And here we are, after 10 days of counting down from 100: the Top 10. Some of these songs, and I won’t indicate which, are basically required in order to understand fully the mindset behind a group of people that would start a bocce league. Other songs are just the best songs of the decade and don’t necessarily have any bearing on the league itself. Either way, these songs are the 10 best songs released in the last 10 years.

10 Biggie Smalls & Hannah Montana – Party & Bullshit in the USA (Hathbanger Remix)

If the 2000s were the decade of complete and total irony, then really nothing is more ironic than mashing up a Biggie song with a Miley song. Mashups were a big part of the “underground” music scene once laptops became powerful enough for just about anyone to just hamfistedly slam two songs together in the hope that they would sound good, but acts like Girl Talk and Super Mash Bros elevated the idea to an art form.

9 Young Jeezy ft.Nas – My President

Like his politics or not, Barack Obama is a historic president. It would be impossible to list the top 100 songs of the decade without this song triumphantly proclaiming that the president of the United Fucking States is black. If you really really want to piss Whipple off make sure to blast this song whenever he’s around.

8 LCD Soundsystem – All My Friends

A song about growing up and the things we sometimes have to leave behind to mature. The monotonous piano, guitar, and drums reflect the monotony of everyday life, while the lyrics reflect the changes actually going on. In the end we know that all we really need are our friends, but by the time they really matter to you everyone’s already gone and grown up.

7 Twilight Sad – Cold Days From the Birdhouse

A melancholy trip down the road of life. The droning song goes on and on, slowly building up until it finally just fades away, leaving the lonely and melancholy piano alone to struggle on till the end.

6 m83 – Graveyard Girl

m83 makes music that makes the world feel young again. This particular song is about what it’s like not to fit in as a teenager, something we’ve all experienced in one way or another. It’s overly dramatic for the sake of being overly dramatic, just like being a teenager.

5 Buck Cherry – Crazy Bitch

This is a song with an interesting Central New York history. It barely charted anywhere else in the country, but the people of CNY are such a bunch of fucking terrible rednecks and scumbags that it’s basically the most popular song ever released. When there’s a local cover band that gets a bigger local draw than most national bands and they play this song as their encore, you know you’re living in a shithole an interesting place.

4 Lady Gaga – Pokerface

The end of the decade was Lady Gaga’s. There may not have been a moment since mid 2008 or so when Lady Gaga didn’t have a song in the Top 40, and surprisingly enough she kept cranking out new ones rather than just sitting back on the success of one song. Phil discovered this song when he heard it on the radio and almost drove over the curb thinking they were actually playing a song about fucking someone’s face. It spread to Woz from there and the rest is history. She knows exactly what she’s doing and that’s part of what makes her so great.

3 Los Campesinos! – You! Me! Dancing!

Not only does this song have that whole “build up” thing I like, but it has it TWICE. A ridiculously fun song that has more energy and charm than anyone even knows what to do with. It’s nearly impossible not to tap your foot along with the drums and scream along to the refrain. If you can’t like this song then you have no soul or sense of fun. This band cranks out a prodigious amount of incredible music at a rate that seems like it should be impossible, and yet they just don’t stop.

2 Marvin Sease – Cheatin’ John

No top list of any amount can be complete without a song by Marvin Sease. He missed having the top song of the decade by 20 years, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get on the list. When your best song is a 10 minute long song about eating pussy (yes, really) then it’s sort of hard to keep up. Marvin has not only managed to keep up, but he’s also managed to release a consistent stream of music so vulgar that it’s impossible not to just burst out laughing at the titles. Because of songs like I Ate You For My Breakfast, A Woman Would Rather Be Licked, and Condom On Your Tongue, Marvin has kept himself in complete and total obscurity, but that’s just where we like him. While Cheatin’ John isn’t all that dirty of a song, it’s the best he’s released this decade, so here it is.

1 Wisin y Yandel – Sexy Movimiento

Suburban white people that get really in to hip-hop and rap are always kind of funny, but they’ve existed in such large numbers for such a long time that it’s not even really a “thing” anymore. Not content with not being recognized as having a strange taste in music anymore, Phil decided to get it into his head to start listening to reggaeton. If white people listening to rap is no longer weird, then white people from Central New York listening to reggaeton certainly is. The genre of music has swept through the league like wildfire, infecting countless members of the league. That’s right, not only do we play bocce, but we do it while bumping reggaeton MOTHERFUCKER!!!!