Week 5 Recap

I’ll remember Old Home Distillery Week for a long time. Great weather, great crowd, lots of fun, lots of good bocce, and of course liquor!!

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Here’s your daily sports orgasm … or sportsgasm as I call it.

Standout Team Performance

Sans Lumiere – In a fantastic inter-league game Sans Lumiere who in their second year are playing some of the best bocce anybody is playing right now, went up against Glory Rollers who I think may just be the favorites to win the Wednesday League, and managed to win 2 of the 3 games in a very close and very good series with scores of 11-8, 7-13, and 11-9.

Tuesday Night Lights – I don’t often include teams that lose series in this section, but considering Rosie Sovocool (or just Z as she is known to people who hardly know her) was playing her first ever game of Turbo Bocce, and considering they were playing 3 time champions Dog Brothers who were undefeated and crushing everybody they’ve played so far this year. I think going 1-2 and handing Dog Brothers their first loss of the season merits special recognition.

Daouble A’s – When Dog Brothers lost I told them they were the last undefeated team … I was wrong. I forgot that Double A’s have quietly beaten everybody they’ve played this year. And they did it again, with a very impressive 3-0 week against a good Salty Bocce Ball team. Will Double A’s be our first 30-0 team? Stay tuned to find out!

Some Innuendo – They win the award for greatest point differential of the week with an impressive 3-0 drubbing of Bocce Buddies.

Droppin Balls – In perhaps the game of the week Droppin Balls managaed to win all 3 games against G & T’s, one of the very best teams in our league.

Standout Individual Performance

Phil Martino had a 20 point, 10 bocce, 5 ace day and somehow that was his LEAST impressive bocce performance of the week. Phil also became a Guinness World Record Holder … scratch that … a TWO TIME GUINNESS WORLD RECORD HOLDER by playing bocce for 35 consecutive hours! Congratuations Phil. I recommend everyone buy one of his shirts and have Phil sign it!

Other people did things too, but, come on, Phil’s a world record holder!


Old Home Distillery

Thanks to Old Home Distillery, for not just delivering a batch of their product for us to try, but for actually coming to give out samples and answer questions about their fantastic locally made (on their own farm!) product! We enjoyed the Turbo Gin Fizz!

And check out the line of people who want to drink Old Home Distillery spirits!!

20 Point Club (all time record 26)

Keith Curreri – Some Innuendo – 21

Jim Whipple – Black Jesus – 21

Oscar Ocampo – The Newlyweds – 20

Jess Blake – Twinning – 20

Colin Donahoe – Droppin Balls – 20

Phil Martino – Dog Brothers – 20

Greg Griffo – Los Moppines – 20

John Bauman – Uncle Jun’s In The Muff – 20

5 Bocce Club (all time record 16)

Phil Martino – Dog Brothers – 10

Marty McDermott – Theos – 9

Sherri Walakis – Blonde Bocce Bitches – 9

Michelle Steven – Vandalay Industries – 9

Kim Lynch – West End Wonder Woman – 8

Danielle Guffre – Teen Mom III – 8

Matt Wieczorek – Theos – 7

Bobby Lupi – Bocce Against the Machine – 7

Greg Barry – Vandalay Industries – 6

Tony Guffre – Teen Mom III – 6

Corey Bramhall – Alcohol & Despiration – 6

Kegor Griffo – Uncle Jun’s In the Muff – 6

Troy Richardon – Curveball – 5

Jay Gray – Kiss My Ace – 5

Most difficult shot I’ve seen all year … nobody got close.

3 Ace Club (all time record 11)

Angela Donahoe – Double A’s – 5 – season high! No wonder they won all 3 games!

Phil Martino – Dog Brothers – 5

Bryan Mullane – Los Moppines – 4

Marty McDermott – Theos – 4

Sherri Walakis – Blonde Bocce Bitches – 3

Siobhan Christou – Twinning – 3

Tony Guffre – Teen Mom III – 3

Tips For Next Week

I’m going to teach you how to master the psychological aspect of bocce ball – which actually I don’t think helps you in any way. I mean, its a simple game, just throw your ball close to the other ball – anyway, here’s how to psychologically dominate your opponent. The key is to hate them, and make it your life’s mission to destroy them. This is hard to do since everybody in our league is such an amazing caring, genius, but, impossible as it seems, I’ve got a way to pull it off. Right before you shoot, look them in the eyes, and contrive a story about how they ruined your life.

So picture this: its your shot. You pick up your ball. You get ready to shoot. Then, quickly, you look at your opponent and think this …

We are two mariners, our ship’s sole survivors, in this belly of a whale. It’s ribs are ceiling beams, it’s guts are carpeting, I guess we have some time to kill. You may not remember me, I was a child of three, and you, a lad of eighteen, but I remember you, and I will relate to you how our histories interweave. At the time you were a rake and a roustabout, spending all your money on the whores and hounds. You had a charming air, all cheap and debonair, my widowed mother found so sweet, and so she took you in, her sheets still warm with him, now filled with filth and foul disease. As time wore on you proved a debt-ridden drunken mess. Leaving my mother a poor consumptive wretch. And then you disappeared, your gambling arrears, the only thing you left behind. And then the magistrate reclaimed our small estate, and my poor mother lost her mind. Then one day in spring my dear sweet mother died, but before she did I took her hand as she, dying, cried [in your mom’s voice] ‘Find him find him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters, drag him to a hole until he wakes up naked clawing at the ceiling of his grave.’ [back to your normal voice] It took me fifteen years to swallow all my tears among the urchins in the street, until a priory took pity and hired me to keep their vestry nice and neat. But never once in the employ of these holy men did I ever once turn my mind from the thought of revenge. One night I overheard the prior exchanging words with a penitent whaler from the sea. The captain of his ship who matched you toe to tip was known for wanton cruelty. The following day I shipped to sea with a privateer, and in the whistle of the wind I could almost hear… [in your mom’s voice] ‘Find him find him, tie him to a pole and break his fingers to splinters, drag him to a hole until he wakes up naked clawing at the ceiling of his grave. There is one thing I must say to you, as you sail across the sea. Always, your mother will watch over you as you avenge this wicked deed.’ [back to your normal voice] And then that fateful night, we had you in our sight, after twenty months at sea. Your starboard flank abeam, I was getting my muskets clean, when came this rumbling from beneath. The ocean shook. The sky went black. And the captain quailed. As before us grew the angry jaws of a giant whale! Don’t know how I survived, the crew all was chewed alive. I must have slipped between his teeth. But, oh! What providence! What divine intelligence! That you should survive as well as me. It gives my eye great joy to see your eyes fill with fear. So lean in close and I will whisper the last words you’ll hear …

You can think this or something along these lines. It should be a different story every time you shoot. This all happens within a fraction of a second, of course. And at this point you shoot your ball. Boom. Psychological aspect conquered. It won’t help though. Just throw your ball close to the other ball and you’ll be fine.

Season Standings


Los Moppines – 14-1 – 2.283 BCS

Double A’s – 9-0 – 2.190

Dog Brothers – 8-1 – 2.148

Theos – 10-2 – 2.090

Droppin Balls – 12-3 – 2.039

Points Leaders (all time record 200):

Bryan Mullane – Los Moppines – 86

Greg Griffo – Los Moppines – 86

Colin Donahoe – Droppin Balls – 79

Kevin Curreri – Salty Bocce Balls – 78

Mike Aylesworth – Droppin Balls – 75

Bocce Leaders (all time record 82):

Greg Griffo – Los Moppines – 30

Marty McDermott – Theos – 26

Matt Wieczorek – Theos – 25

Jayson Gray – Kiss My Ace – 24

3 tied with 23

Ace Leaders (all time record 33)

Colin Donahoe – Droppin Balls – 12

Siobhan Christou – Twinning – 11

Bryan Mullane – Los Moppines – 12

Mike Aylesworth – Droppin Balls – 11

6 tied with 8

Rookie of the Year – This award goes to the rookie with the highest point total (all time record 170)

Kevan Busa – Super Bocce Bros – 73

Sam Kallman – Super Bocce Bros – 68

Greg Barry – Vandelay Industries – 55

Michelle Stevens – Vandelay Insdustries 47

3 tied at 40