Can you believe the season is half way over? We’re past those early season, still getting your barrings games, and onto the, its time to start winning games.
Moral of the story: size the day like its your noodle! Speaking of winning, lets talk about team achievements
Team Achievements
Uncle Jun’s In the Muff – had a 3-0 week against Top Notch Ball Handlers to firmly take control of the race for the Wednesday League regular season championship.
Chewbocce – after missing a couple weeks Chewbocce came back to have a huge 6-0 week which catapulted them up the Wednesday League standings into 3rd. One of those 6 wins just so happened to be by a score of 13-0. Do they even know about what would happen if they won 14-0??? More on this later!
Boccin in the Free World – Big 2-1 interleague win over Tuesday League team Sans Lumiere who has been red hot all season.
Black Jesus – Perhaps you forgot, Black Jesus isn’t just someone from a Madonna video. Its also the name of the former Turbo Bocce champions, and after going 3-0 this week they seem to have finally woken up and remembered who they are. We all knew this was bound to happen eventually.
Blue Balls – beat previously undefeated Double A’s 2-1. The week before they beat undefeated Amerika’z Most Wanted 3-0. This is why they are in first place right now! In Double A’s defense, the one game they did win was by a score of 11-0.
Curveball – big 2-1 win against a very good Newlyweds team. Is this the start of something big for team Curveball? Perhaps!
Mean Girls – huge 3-0 week, which was much better than they did with me as a substitute partner.
As for my team, I was so upset about losing to Dropping Balls that I had to go see a therapist. He told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance . . . . we’ll just see about that.
Highlights
Individual Performers
20 Point Club (all time record 26)
Kegor Griffo – Uncle Jun’s In The Muff – 24 – season high!
Bobby Lupi – Bocce Against the Machine – 22
Cheryl Holdrege – Belles of the Ball – 20
Greg Griffo – Chewbocce – 20 – Did you know there are 2 people neamed Greg Griffo in the Wednesday League? The one people on Tuesday are familiar with will be called Kegor Griffo here, to distinguish! By the way, Greg Griffo is shooting up the Rookie of the Year standings with a week where he scored 20 & 19 in his regular game and make up game!
5 Bocce Club (all time record 16)
Jodi Jones – Alcohol & Despiration – 12
Sherri Walakis – Blonde Bocce Bitches – 11
Oscar Ocampo – The Newlyweds – 10
Jeff McGann – Bocce Against the Machine – 9
Jayson Gray – Kiss My Ace – 9
Linda Radford – Bocce Buddies – 8
Josh Griffo – Chewbocce – 8
Kegor Griffo – Los Moppines – 7
Kim Pomeroy – Blonde Bocce Bitches – 7
Michelle Stevens – Vandelay Industries – 7
Angelo Isgro – Kiss My Ace – 6
Kristen McGriff – Lisa & Kristen – 6
Paul Colabufo – Breakfast of Champions – 6
Joe LaCelle, Amy Bramhall, Corey Bramhall, Caity Martino, Greg Barry, Jess Blake, and Nicole Brec – 5
3 Ace Club (all time record 11)
Isabelle Wiles – Boc & Grind – 5
Sean Flynn – Blue Balls – 4
Jayson Gray – Kiss My Ace – 3
George Christou – Dog Brothers – 3
Scott Mead – Big LeBocce – 3
Angela Donahoe – Double A’s – 3
Paul Colabufo – Breakfast of Champions – 3
Multiple Turbo Round Wins Club
Meghan Sovocool – White BALLerion the Dread – 2
Jayson Gray – Kiss My Ace – 2
Buzzsaw
According to the scorecards … in Week 6, Tuesday League, in game #3 of Bocce Against the Machine vs. Ball Dykes, the 8th ever Buzzsaw took place. Nobody mentioned it to me. Do people know what a buzzsaw is? Perhaps I’ve dropped the ball, information wise?
Alright, lets explain it …
A buzzsaw occurs when one team beats another team 14-0. It is the PERFECT bocce score (its hard to beat someone by 14 in a game to 11 where you win by 2), in fact, there is only one way to do it: you have to be winning by a score of 10-0, exactly, and then get a 4 point round. In the 14 year history of Turbo Bocce, there have only been 7 buzzsaws, with the last one happening in 2016. The unwritten rule is you get free beers and shots for executing a buzzsaw. I didn’t realize it happened until I looked at the scorecards. Rest assured, I will interview the participants and make sure the traditional liquids are bestowed upon the victors.
But for now let it suffice to say, congratulations Bocce Against the Machine, you just made Turbo Bocce history!!!!!!
For more information on buzzsaws, consult your local library … or just click HERE and scroll down to #5.
Rant
Since I tend to write these things very quickly during breaks at work, you pretty much read whatever’s on my mind at that particular moment. I wanted to take this idea one step further (as we do with everything at Turbo Bocce) and go off on a wild borderline nonsensical rant about whatever happens to be bouncing around in my brain. You can google all this stuff and perhaps learn something interesting, or you can just read it and (hopefully) chuckle at how crazy it is, or you can just ignore this section entirely. Up to you.
Uncle Jun’s In the Muff is in first place, but don’t be jealous of them the way I’m jealous of Romania. Who do you think did better in the bobsled at this year’s winter Olympics, America or Romania? Surprisingly the answer is Romania. Now guess which country has better vampires? They’ve got Transylvania and we’ve got Pennsylvania, so its close, but they win again. At least we’ve got the Wright Brothers … wait, you say Traian Vuia invented and flew a plan before the Wright Brothers did? And he’s Romanian? And he didn’t even need his brother’s help? Well son of a bitch. I thought we were suppose to be the greatest country on Earth. Apparently we only have the biggest economy, the strongest military, and the most scientific achievements. I mean, who cares about any of that stuff? I demand a bobsledding vampire so damn fast that it can take the Carpathian mountains and fly them up Romania’s butt! Lets make them wish the Ottoman Empire never lost WWI causing their lands to be dispersed thus growing Romania’s boarders by 53%. You’ve won this round Romania, you’re a perfect 10 and not just in gymnastics, but some day I’ll mess you up so bad that the people of Moldova will weep for you. Some day. Until then I’m never using a fountain pen again, never watching Tarzan, and I’m considering the oldest homo sapien ever found an idiot!
